Time for some truth. Life lately has been hard. There have been a lot more lows this month than highs. I feel like I’m juggling a million balls and basically dropping them all. I don’t think feel like I can do anything 100%, or even 80%. A C or lower is basically all I would get in a report card on any subject of life right now and I’m not used to that.
But, I know that it’s going to get easier. Will I magically get more hours in the day? No. But I knew the first month returning to work was going to be tough. And it has been. Two stomach flus for me, a cold and a stomach flu for Mike and a cold for Siena. Switching roles at work (I am rotating with the other analysts within my same department) during some of the busiest, most stressful times at work. Canceled plans, canceled races. Too many missed days of work and work from home days than there should be in a month. Guilt over those missed days of work, mixed with guilt over barely having any quality time with Siena and Mike.
Despite the disappointments, I know I still have so much to be thankful for. When I get down about it, I try to look on the bright side and am happy for all that I have. I know this is a phase, and although I’ll never have the (in retrospect) carefree life that I had before I made the decision to have a family, having Siena is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. She makes me so incredibly happy. Even on my worst days, her smile makes me smile. My life has more meaning with her in it.
Another thing that has made me happy is working out. Although the stomach bugs definitely took me away from the game for a bit this month, I’ve been able to get in a good amount of workouts and they keep me sane. They make me feel good and even though they are usually at 6 a.m., they are pretty much the only time I get for myself each day.
So, if you have some secret to balancing it all as a working, breastfeeding & pumping, commuting, fitness-loving mom who also wants a social life and romance with her husband, please let me know! But for now, I’m doing the best I can.
When you’re overwhelmed, what keeps you sane?