Last weekend a pretty incredible thing happened at the Austin Marathon – the first place woman collapsed within meters of the finish line and crawled her way to the end. She ended up taking third place, but her determination was inspiring.
When I saw this article written about what went down that day and watched the emotional video, memories flooded back of that day at CIM. To see it happen to a professional so soon after it happened to me actually makes me feel a little better about the whole thing. She clearly was pushing herself to her limits (she had also just made a turn before collapsing) and she pushed herself just past the edge. (Watch the emotional video here).
In the hours and days after CIM, I was flooded with support over what happened. Two people even reached out to me to tell me that a very similar thing happened to them in the last few miles of a marathon! Knowing I wasn’t alone helped with the pain. You and all my other friends and family knew how much that day meant to me. You knew how hard I worked and how much I wanted that BQ. Many of you watched as my confidence was built up before my first attempt in Eugene and then torn down bit by bit after failures there, at OC and the most heartbreaking, Phoenix. But, my confidence came back as I trained last year and I would have put money on my BQ dreams becoming reality last December in Sacramento.
But life doesn’t always go as planned. In more ways than one, I’ve learned that is quite true lately. Things that you think are absolute turn out to be false, relationships you thought were strong end, and the person you were rooting for fails or lets you down. Life isn’t about what happens to you, it’s how you handle it (thank’s Page’s dad!). For me, that has meant mourning the loss of a dream, acknowledging that my failure is not a reflection of my self-worth or identity as a runner, and moving on.
I actually have surprised myself by not signing up for another goal race right away. It’s time to put the BQ goal on hold. I’ve been relentlessly pursuing that goal for two years (which immediately followed the all-consuming 1 year long task of training and completing my first Ironman) and there are now other things that I want to pursue that don’t involve running or triathlon at all. So here I am, dusting myself off and getting back up, but not in the way that many might expect. I’m not giving up on running Boston one day. But right now, I can’t even tell you when I think I might try again.
Running and fitness are definitely going to be a big part of my life, but not in the same way for a while. This blog isn’t going away, but it might change a bit. I’d love for your to join me for the next journey.
Have you ever changed paths before accomplishing a goal? Have you ever put a goal on hold and later returned to accomplish it? What changed?
You have to be happy with what you are training for and this sounds like it is a really goal for you! I am proud of you for making this leap.
I’ve done something similar. I quit swimming senior year of college because it wasn’t making me happy anymore and honestly it was the best thing I did for myself. I was only making myself miserable swimming. Changing my path made me so happy and I’ve never looked back and regretted that decision. I hope you find that with your new goals!
Thanks Hollie!!!
To new beginnings. xo
I think sometimes doing something different for a while before chasing down that dream again will help you physically and mentally!! 🙂 Here is to change!! Good luck!!
Thanks Leslie! Sometimes a shift in focus is necessary to be refreshed and able to tackle the goal later!
I love your perspective and outlook Nicole. I also love that you have some new goals and things you want to do that aren’t running related. The marathon broke my heart after 2012, and I walked away from it for 1.5 years. When I returned, I felt renewed and inspired. I did some of my best running … running I never imagined back in 2011 and 2012. Sometimes we need to refresh and recharge and return when we are ready. I have no doubt you have some incredible things ahead. Sometimes dreams just take a little longer to conquer than we originally planned. You are amazing. xo
Aww thanks Jesica!
Sometimes I wonder if we get so consumed with goals that we forget about the process. You worked your ass off, and you WILL BQ. But there is no timeline. There is no rule that says it has to be right now- of course you wanted it (and still do)…but wanting to change things up and focus on other things is healthy. Give your mind and body the break from it- and if you return to chasing that goal than it will be yours- and if you don’t then it’s 99% because you found something you love that inspires you even MORE. Either way, you win.
Thanks Laura! I agree, it’s about the journey! I truly enjoyed my journey to CIM last year, bQ or not. Now it’s time for a slightly different path for a bit but I’ll be back for that BQ!!
I think we’re in a similar boat with putting the Boston dream on hold temporarily. Sometimes a break is for the best and I have no doubt you’ll come back stronger than ever before whenever you decide to chase that BQ again!
I agree – we will both be better and stronger for taking a break I think! Sometimes you gotta take a different path than originally anticipated. 🙂
I know exactly how you feel (although I have a sneaking suspicion our ‘different paths’ before the BQ attempt again are different ;-)) and that was largely what motivated me to do ironman NOW! (even if I hadn’t picked ironman though-I was planning on switching to a triathlon focus instead of running). After what was it… 4x I tried to BQ and a 5th DNS due to injury/apathy, it was time to walk away from it for awhile. Especially that close. I got tired of pushing my body to fight for every second. And knowing that I was completely capable of it, but missing repeatedly. And while IM training (as you know) comes with it’s own bundle of challenges… it’s so nice not to be thinking about that 3:35. That 8:10 pace. Or even the 1:40 half I wanted so bad. I am relieved not to be thinking about it. Some day I will come back to it… but not now.
Good for you! Excited to follow along and see what your next journey is 🙂
Thanks Monica ! It’s always nice to hear from someone who has been through it too. Sometimes I just think about all those who tried and qualified on their first attempt and wonder why I can’t seem to get it. But there are probably more stories like ours than theirs! I want more CDA training updates! 🙂
Well done on stepping back and making new goals. It must have been heartbreaking to come so close to that BQ. I was really disappointed for you, and I am just a blog reader who lives over 5,000 miles away! Going sub 3:35 was actually only a tiny part of your journey – it sounds like you have gained so much from the process and should certainly not think of it as a ‘failure’. I am still trying to break four hours in the marathon but have missed it (failed?) four times. I have had to ask myself how much I really want it – am I prepared to do what it takes? I’ve decided that right now isn’t the right time in my life to keep trying. It’s exciting that it’s still out there to be done… but there are loads of other goals out there to be achieved too! Really looking forward to your updates on the next chapter. You write with authenticity and your friendly, determined personality shines through. Thanks for sharing with us!
Thank you Susie! That means so much to me. I think you’re right – we have to take a step back and think about it If we’re ready to do what it takes to achieve the goal!