Time for some truth. Life lately has been hard. There have been a lot more lows this month than highs. I feel like I’m juggling a million balls and basically dropping them all. I don’t think feel like I can do anything 100%, or even 80%. A C or lower is basically all I would get in a report card on any subject of life right now and I’m not used to that.
But, I know that it’s going to get easier. Will I magically get more hours in the day? No. But I knew the first month returning to work was going to be tough. And it has been. Two stomach flus for me, a cold and a stomach flu for Mike and a cold for Siena. Switching roles at work (I am rotating with the other analysts within my same department) during some of the busiest, most stressful times at work. Canceled plans, canceled races. Too many missed days of work and work from home days than there should be in a month. Guilt over those missed days of work, mixed with guilt over barely having any quality time with Siena and Mike.
Despite the disappointments, I know I still have so much to be thankful for. When I get down about it, I try to look on the bright side and am happy for all that I have. I know this is a phase, and although I’ll never have the (in retrospect) carefree life that I had before I made the decision to have a family, having Siena is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. She makes me so incredibly happy. Even on my worst days, her smile makes me smile. My life has more meaning with her in it.
Another thing that has made me happy is working out. Although the stomach bugs definitely took me away from the game for a bit this month, I’ve been able to get in a good amount of workouts and they keep me sane. They make me feel good and even though they are usually at 6 a.m., they are pretty much the only time I get for myself each day.
So, if you have some secret to balancing it all as a working, breastfeeding & pumping, commuting, fitness-loving mom who also wants a social life and romance with her husband, please let me know! But for now, I’m doing the best I can.
When you’re overwhelmed, what keeps you sane?
I am feeling the exact same way. Life is tough right now. You found a good way to describe it. I wish you all the best.
Thanks Ali. I hope you’re hanging in there!
I’m sorry that you have all been sick! It is very hard to juggle everything. I’ve been working at home since 14ish weeks postpartum, and I’m so embarrassed to say that I’ve missed deadlines, missed meetings and even missed reading important emails, because I either didn’t check them in time, didn’t get the memo, or completely forgot (yes, I’ve completely forgotten to jump on the computer at times, it’s so weird). I never missed a deadline when I was working in the office, so I’m really working on balancing things better. Sometimes the baby just has to come first (and I want her to!).
My brain literally doesn’t work as well as it did before. I really have to write things down now that I never would have had to before. Luckily my boss also has two small children and has warned me about how bad your memory can get so at least I know she understands!!!
I appreciate e the honestly, I think we all go through those times in life where we feel like we’re just sinking. You’re so strong and capable, I know you’ll pull through. Remember to ask for help if you need it, no shame in that.
Thanks Jen!
If it is any consolation, I have been there too and felt the same way, and it does get better. So much better that you forget it was ever that bad (until you read something like your post today and remember “oh yea, life used to be completely unmanageable…”). One of the best pieces of advice I got during my first couple months back at work after having my daughter is “Guilt doesn’t serve you.” Feeling guilty about missing days in the office or not doing things well (in your own estimation) doesn’t make you un-miss those days or do anything better than has already been done – it just makes the burden going forward feel that much heavier. I would repeat it to myself like a mantra until eventually I believed it, and then when I was standing at my counter at 10 PM eating cheerios for dinner for the third night in a row still finishing work I should have had done by 12 pm that day… well, it just didn’t make me feel any particular way anymore 🙂 Seriously though, my kid is now 23 months and i work full time, cook lunches for my family to take to work/school everyday and dinner most nights and work out for an hour a day 5-6 days a week and get 8 hours of sleep a night AND am pregnant again, and it isn’t a struggle, everything just fell into place, it just took some time for me to establish a “new normal.”
I love this! Thank you so much. I know that maintaining a positive attitude through it all is as important as anything else.
And I’m glad to hear it got easier for you!
It will get easier but it is hard! A few things: Ask for help! If you don’t have a house cleaner, get one. Eliminate anything that doesn’t have to be done by you. I get up at 4:50 every week day to get my work out done. I’m in the shower by 6:15. Ready by 7:00. I get to bed around 9:00. It’s the only way that works for us. I didn’t want to (couldn’t ?) handle full time so I went down a day but I still get up at the same time even on my mornings off. The first year is the toughest but greatest.
Yes we definitely have a house cleaner – she comes every other week and it’s super helpful, although it means that I am running around the house trying to put things away before she gets here. haha. I also recently got out another set of bottles so that I don’t HAVE to wash bottles every night. Hopefully that helps!
Hang in there. I’m reading from the perspective of someone who desperately wants to be a mom (trying for almost 4 years). Reading things like this helps me realize there is a lot of freedom in the lifestyle my husband and I have now, and that I need to appreciate it as much as possible, since hopefully one day, we will be in your boat.
Saying a prayer that you get some rest and give yourself some grace during what I can only imagine is a super hard transition to going back to work full time.
Belinda-It took us three years! I truly understand how you might be feeling. Hugs!
Thank you, Holly!
Thanks Belinda. I hope that everything works out for you!
My 2nd just turned one, and everything has gotten SO MUCH EASIER now that I’m not pumping. Just know that what you’re doing is enough, and that this phase will not last forever.
I agree with Julia, you need to find a way to not feel guilty. It can be really hard to find a new normal, but you shouldn’t feel guilty when your priorities shift or when some things get moved to the back burner!
Thanks Cate! I agree, when pumping is done it’ll make my life a lot easier!! Plus I think I’ll feel more productive at work as well.
Working on not feeling guilty and trying to focus on the little accomplishments!
Those first few weeks of going back to work are so, so hard, in so many ways. For me, the only way to stay sane was to adjust what 100% meant with each “activity”, and to do less overall. It’s not a perfect solution, as you do end up feeling like you lose a big part of yourself. I still struggle with that daily, but overall it’s been more than worth it for me in terms of reduced stress and having more time and energy for the kids. I also think this is temporary to some degree. I know I’ll never be back to doing everything I was before at the same level. BUT, with Camden it did get so much easier around the time he turned one. Especially after I stopped breastfeeding, although I don’t think that was the only factor. It just got easier and easier to start doing more, and I started to feel much more like myself. But then of course I got pregnant again, ha! Now I’m back in that tough, all-consuming stage again with Emi, but this time I know that in a few months things will get easier again.
Hang in there! You are doing amazing, your “C” is an “A+” for 99% of the population Keep writing posts like this, I think it’s great when people are honest about the realities of this life stage, it helps everyone else not be so hard on themselves when they compare themselves to others.
Glad to hear it gets easier at 1! I do know that we’re in a tough spot right now with the fact that she’s still breastfeeding and/or taking a bottle 6-8 times a day plus eating solid food. And the illness gauntlet. It’s such a day to day thing though – the rest of the week I felt much better about how things were going.
I’m piling on to say, it gets better! The first 4-6 weeks after returning to work were SO HARD for all of the reasons you mentioned. But after about three months back at work I looked at my husband on a Friday evening and told him I finally felt like I was a good wife, mother, and employee that week, and it has only gotten better from there. I totally agree with the others saying to tell guilt to step aside. Give yourself all the grace in the world. You are worth it.
Also, I think the greatest thing I have done to help myself manage everything is to carve out 30 minutes every Sunday to do something indulgent for myself. Most of the time it is a bath with a glass of wine while my husband takes our little guy out for a walk or to run errands. The time to really relax sets the tone for my week!
I really like this idea!!! I feel like my workout time is my “me” time but I really do need to set aside some time besides that for me. I like the Sunday idea.
Nicole! It will get easier!!! I know it’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I promise you that it’s there!!! I agree with the other ladies posting, get that guilt out of your life!!! Absolutely NO ONE is perfect!! There are just varying degrees of perfection, totally defined by each individual person. Make sure you prioritize the most important aspects of your life and give as much as possible to those things. Everything else will fall into place.
And like Vicky said, your “C” is an “A” for 99% of the population out there. You are such an inspiration to me! I look forward to your blog every day, because you help to keep me on track and to motivate me. In fact, when I was out walking beside the park on my lunch break from work today, I wondered if you would be doing your 21-day fix workout at the park today! Keep on keeping on — I promise everything will work itself out — but in the meantime, you have a legion of loyal followers that are pulling for you and Mike and Sienna! You are gonna be GREAT!!!!!
Aww this comment made me so happy. Thanks Jaqi for thinking of me and for being so supportive. I’m glad that my blog is motivating to you!!!
I hear you! I only go into the office one day a week and while I’m pumping, I THANK GOD that I don’t have to go in any more and deal with pumping. It takes everything out of me that one day. I can’t imagine doing it several times per week. I haven’t even worked out once since I gave birth in November. I need so much downtime to recover from the daily grind of working and taking care of a 6 month old. I really restrict my social engagements now. My family is most important and if I need most weekends just to be with them, that’s how it goes for now!
You are doing a heck of a lot more than me! Like everyone said, I’m sure it takes time for us to establish a new normal and go from there.
Thanks Rachel! Luckily the pumping just becomes a habit – it actually helps break up my day and it seems to go faster! But it’s not exactly convenient and definitely isn’t great that I’m away from my desk so long each day (at least I can work from my lap top).
Girl, you are not alone, I promise. I was nodding my head in agreement with so much of this. It is SO HARD! I can’t imagine being sick on top of everything else you are dealing with. I think one of the biggest struggles is dealing with all the different emotions that circulate every. single. day. I have yet to make it through a day without hitting highs and lows, however big or subtle they may be. As you said, this time will pass and you will find your groove and new normal. You are a smart, driven woman and will find a way to make everything work for you and your family. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help or reach out! We are all here for you, no matter how near or far. 🙂
Yes! I’m already feeling so much better about the whole working mom thing since even writing this post but I’m sure there will be plenty more rough days. Thanks so much for your support! It’s nice to know there are so many fellow moms out there in the same spot (although it’s a shame that we are all so overwhelmed!!).
I totally understand how you feel! The first month back is the hardest, and it does get easier. That said, Even being back at work for 5 months, I still sometimes am overwhelmed by all of it….
I have found it is important for me to make the time to exercise, even if it’s only 20 minutes after baby goes to bed. It helps me refocus and get some extra energy/worries out.
Getting out and doing something fun on Friday or over the weekend has been nice too. It helps to do some things that don’t feel so rushed as weekday evenings. We have found dinner dates at our house with friends have been great. That way we can put Trev to bed, and have some adult time with friends.